As most of you know, we have two children living on the spectrum. My eldest, Xavier, is very high functioning. His sister, however, struggles a little bit more than her brother. We lived overseas till Xavier was 12, so we were very late getting a diagnosis for him. I knew early on that something was going on with Xavier. I suspected Autism, but was not sure. The doctors in France were no help and the waiting list to see a specialist in Canada was several years long. We had to wait till we returned to the US for an official diagnosis. Chloe was a different story. I was completely unaware that anything was going on with her till her preschool teacher brought it to my attention. She suggested that we have Chloe tested as soon as possible. I was very surprised. Chloe’s Autism presents in a very different way than her brother.

The day we received Chloe and Xavier’s diagnosis was a hard one. Even though I wasn’t surprised by the results, it was still a hard blow. I felt devastated. All my hopes for their future died that day. I lost hope. I know as I’m typing this that some of you will not be able to understand such a harsh reaction. It’s not like they were diagnosed with terminal cancer or something like that. So, why was is so hard for me?

I think to some degree or another we all dream about the futures of our little ones. We envision them growing up, getting married, having children, finding success in their personal and professional lives and leading a life of pure joy. We hope for the absolute best for our children in every aspect of their lives. So, what happens when a wrench like Autism gets thrown into our plans? The future that we envisioned for our children can seem no longer possible. How will they do all those things with the deficiencies they will struggle with. How will their lives look? Will they ever even gain independence? Then comes the self doubt. I am not equipped to handle this. How am I supposed to help them? I can’t do this…

I have the unfortunate habit of keeping my feelings to my self. Its one of the reasons I started a blog in the first place. It seemed like a good way to get my feelings out. I spent several years dwelling in all those feelings of hopelessness and fear. I didn’t really have anyone around me that could understand what we were going through. If you don’t know, you don’t know.

Recently I had the opportunity to have coffee with an old friend. Her family is very unique. She has 4 children on the spectrum. This coffee date changed me. Angela is truly an amazing woman. In all the years that I’ve known her, I have never once heard her complain or gripe about the struggles she faces with her children. She is always joyful and she is passionate about advocating for her children. Her husband is the same way. They are truly an amazing couple. Something that Angela said to me was that I need to believe in my children. She shared stories of her precious babies and all that they were accomplishing. She talked about the struggles and how they are overcoming them. Slowly as I listened to her talk this little flame of hope sparked inside my heart. I realized that my children do have a future even if its not the one I had planned for them. I remembered that I am their biggest advocate and I am the one who should believe in them even if no one else does. I left that Starbucks feeling like I could conquer the world! It’s funny, I don’t think Angela was trying to change me, but she did and I am so grateful. God used her in a mighty way to restore my hope and return my joy as a mother. Thank you Angela!

Hope is a powerful thing. It can lift us up or it can crush us when it’s lost. I am so thankful for the Lord bringing people like Angela around me to lift me up as a mother and encourage me to keep going. I am thankful for renewed hope and I, for the first time in a long time, look forward with excitement to what the future holds for my babies. If you are a parent of a child who has been diagnosed with anything and you are struggling in some of these same ways, know that you are not alone. Believe in your children! Fight for your children!